Monday, April 25, 2005

Oh deary deary me!

Bit of introspection going on today. It began with Nicola texting me and saying she couldn't come in - that left me in the lurch (not her fault though) and I ended up sitting in Cloisters eating by myself. It occured to me that before I started college I was shit-scared of sitting by myself in a canteen incase either a) I was ignored or b) I stuck out like a sore thumb. It doesn't bother me so much now, which begs the question: am I more of a loner than I was four years ago or am I more confident than I was then? I asked myself the question then: Do I like my own company? The answer was yes but that led to the question: Do I prefer my own company? The answer to that was no because I would have welcomed company in Cloisters.

I think there is more than one type of everything - nothing being simple. Take confidence for example. Do I have the confidence to sit in Cloisters and mutter away to myself? (This happened and a girl looked at me funny -quite embarassing.) Yes I do. But do I have the confidence to air my views in a tutorial unless I'm asked? No. The only time I have volunteered my own views in front of actual people is at a SWP meeting before easter about Sinn Fein's role in the peace process after the murder of Robert McCartney and the Northern Bank robbery.


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